The Killer in Me
by Mandirrr
Summary: 'This is the killer in me. It's frightening, I know; but oh how I adore it. Everyone thought, I was the Chosen One, Their Saviour, The Boy Who Lived.' Dark. Slight Draco/Ginny. Oneshot.


This fic was inspired by 'The Killer in Me,' by the Smashing Pumpkins. Thanks to Crazy-Lemon-Lady for betaing, she's the best! :D Anyway, enjoy!

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This is the killer in me. It's frightening, I know; but oh how I adore it. Everyone thought, I was the Chosen One, Their Saviour, The Boy Who Lived. Yeah, sure I was, but every time I think of her, the killer in me comes alive: The killer who ruined her. I knew when I did it I shouldn't have let her go. I knew someone else would pull her in while I was away. And it happened.

I remember the days we'd spend together at Hogwarts, walking around the Black Lake, sitting beneath the trees in the Forbidden Forest, sneaking away in Hogsmeade to go be alone on a trail… I remember all of that. I remember her kisses…so light, so sweet. Her soft skin, her eyes, her smile…That girl was drop dead gorgeous. I remember the jealousy I felt when she dated others, but that was nothing compared to this.

Nothing compared to the agony I would feel when I would see them together. Nothing compared to the envy that boiled under my skin while I watched him hold her close. Nothing compared to the spiteful emotions I threw toward him in the form of glares. I wanted her so much, I'd kill for her. I'd die just to kiss her one more time, just to tell her I loved her, just to touch her again…

I realize I'm obsessed. My obsession once disturbed me, but now I've embraced it; she should be mine. We are made for each other… We truly are. We were perfect together. I sit and wonder why I didn't see this only a few years ago? Why didn't I feel the unbreakable chains of affection for her lacing around my wrists during that sad year we were apart?

I received the wedding invitation yesterday via owl. I wondered if I was dreaming. I wondered how I would survive. I drank away my sorrows with whiskey and a bit of rum… I actually no longer remember what it was. I just remember how much better I felt with the alcohol clouding my mind than I did sober. Sobriety was just something I no longer took much participation in lately. I took participation in carving her initials next to the scar on my chest that created the shape of Salazar Slytherin's locket, and formulating my plan to end the agony.

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I walked into town the day before the wedding, mostly to refill my liquor cabinet, but also hoping I'd lay eyes on her just one more time before she was truly a married woman. I was lucky enough to see her through a small dress alteration shop's window. She was beautiful as ever. Smiling and laughing, playing with a strand of her wild red hair. It was then I smiled. It had been a very long time since I'd last smiled. It was a sad smile, but the feeling that rose in my chest was much closer to happiness than any other emotion I'd experienced in the last week was.

She turned to look behind her suddenly and caught my eye. I felt my lips stretch back into the same smile they held just a few seconds before, and hers returned the gesture. I savoured the seconds of that stare between us, but I knew I had to break the trance before I fell even more in love with her. I nodded at her politely through the glass before I continued to walk down the streets of Diagon Alley. My heart was pounding in my chest, my clouded unruly mind trying to comprehend my small stroke of good luck. But when I returned home, reality hit me again.

I drank until I was barely conscious again, and then fell into a deep slumber. When I woke, it was three o' clock. Two hours away from the wedding. I stumbled to the bathroom and stripped off my clothes replacing them with dress robes. I had to see her one last time… one more time. I ran drunkenly down the streets of Hogsmeade until I found myself in a large crowd of people dressed for a wedding. My eyes fell on Ron and Hermione and I made my way over to them. We talked for a bit, and before leaving I slipped a piece of parchment enclosed in an envelope to Ron. I told him not to read it until after I had left, and he agreed with a stroke of confusion in his eyes.

After speaking to them briefly I searched the crowd for someone of the wedding party to direct me to Ginny. After a few minutes I found Luna Lovegood dressed in a lilac purple dress holding a bouquet of flowers speaking to Blaise Zabini. I pulled her to the side and gave her the envelope addressed to Ginny. I explained I didn't want her to read it until after the wedding and reception, and she nodded and smiled; no questions asked.

After I'd delivered both envelopes I waited patiently behind a large oak tree for the wedding to start. I decided I'd only stay to see her walk down the aisle-I wasn't sure if I could watch the vows without losing it. My heart beat slowly as she walked down the aisle covered in lilac flower petals. She looked beautiful. I felt a tear slip down my unshaved cheek as she came to stand in front of him. That should have been me. I turned and ran. I ran until I reached my small flat just outside of Hogsmeade.

I threw the door open and ran to my kitchen. I dug through my medicine cabinet until I found what I was looking for, the small vile of potion that would take the breath out of me, the potion that would take the pain away forever. The small vile, that would take it all away, make it all better.

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_Ron,_

_I'm sorry mate. I can't take any of this anymore. I couldn't deal with the pain of seeing her with someone else. I'm in love with her. I'd never want her to be unhappy, and I know she's happy with him. I would never take that away from her. Make sure they both know this isn't their fault. I'm happy for them, I really am. Thanks for sticking with me through it all. You've been there for me no matter what, but it's time for me to move on. It's time for the 'Boy Who Lived' to die._

_Harry_

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_Ginevra,_

_I'll always love you. I'm sorry I let you get away._

_Harry_

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